annethology
  • Home
    • About Annethology
    • About me >
      • A little more about me
    • About my books
    • Author talks
    • Contact me
    • Forthcoming events
    • World Mental Health Day
    • Privacy
    • Sign up for my newsletter
  • Sugar and Snails
    • Acknowledgements
    • Blog tour, Q&A's and feature articles >
      • Birthday blog tour
      • S&S on tour 2022
    • Early endorsements
    • Events >
      • Launch photos
      • Launch party videos
    • in pictures
    • Media
    • If you've read the book
    • Polari
    • Reading group questions
    • Reviews
    • In the media
  • Underneath
    • Endorsements and reviews
    • Launch party and events
    • Pictures
    • Questions for book groups
    • The stories underneath the novel
  • Matilda Windsor series
    • Matilda Windsor >
      • What readers say
      • For book groups
      • Interviews, articles and features
      • Matty on the move
      • Who were you in 1990?
      • Asylum lit
      • Matilda Windsor media
    • Stolen Summers >
      • Stolen Summers reviews
  • Short stories
    • Somebody’s Daughter
    • Becoming Someone (anthology) >
      • Becoming Someone (video readings)
      • Becoming Someone reviews
      • Becoming Someone online book chat
    • Print and downloads
    • Read it online
    • Quick reads
  • Free ebook
  • Annecdotal
    • Annecdotal blog
    • Annecdotal Press
    • Articles >
      • Print journalism
      • Where psychology meets fiction
    • Fictional therapists
    • Reading and reviews >
      • Reviews A to H
      • Reviews I to M
      • Reviews N to Z
      • Nonfiction
      • Themed quotes
      • Reading around the world
  • Shop
    • Inspired Quill (my publisher)
    • Bookshop.org (affiliate link)
    • Amazon UK
    • Amazon US
    • books2read

About the author and blogger ...

Anne Goodwin’s drive to understand what makes people tick led to a career in clinical psychology. That same curiosity now powers her fiction.
A prize-winning short-story writer, she has published three novels and a short story collection with small independent press, Inspired Quill. Her debut novel, Sugar and Snails, was shortlisted for the 2016 Polari First Book Prize.
Away from her desk, Anne guides book-loving walkers through the Derbyshire landscape that inspired Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre.
Subscribers to her newsletter can download a free e-book of award-winning short stories.

TELL ME MORE

Cry, Baby, Cry!

16/1/2017

16 Comments

 
Picture
Sue Gerhardt's book nails the argument much more clearly than I can.
Knowing I’ve never had children, readers have expressed surprise that I’m interested in reading and writing about mothers and babies. To me, however, it makes sense politically, (past) professionally and personally. A socialist by inclination, I believe in collective responsibility for the vulnerable, and who could be more vulnerable than a neonate? In psychology, although there are different and opposing models of the impact of early months and years, curiosity about the human mind necessitates at least a passing interest in our origins. Finally, I’m very much in touch with how it feels to be totally dependent on someone who doesn’t heed my cries. So, yes, I give a crap about attentiveness to babies, and not just when they’ve soiled their nappies.
But it’s a hard area to have strong and definite views about. Parents are understandably protective of their own child-rearing preferences and, if they’ve decided to leave that baby to cry herself out, they won’t thank me for saying, that, rather than teaching the baby to self soothe, they’re teaching her to be powerless. Babies, almost by definition, can’t tell their side of the story: crying is the only form of communication available to them, and that shouldn't be ignored. The rare adult who unearths signs of emotional neglect in their own history can be dismissed as a whinger who refuses to take responsibility for her own limitations. Others associate advocating for babies with a backlash against feminism, restricting women’s lives to the sphere of tyrannical toddlers, but it doesn’t necessarily follow. The well-being of babies is inseparable from the well-being of their (mostly) mothers and my generation’s Valium-addicted stay-at-home mothers might have been able to be more responsive if they’d felt valued themselves.

I often wonder if we might build a more tolerant society if more members felt
secure right from the start, but pigs will fly before we see a political manifesto founded on ensuring babies get the attention they need in those crucial first three years of life. Instead, childcare workers are underpaid and undervalued, and the conflict mothers feel between work and home is left for individuals to resolve (or not) themselves. But you won’t find me campaigning for what I believe in. While passion can be motivating, you need a certain distance between the personal and political to be persuasive.

Although I’ve been edging towards it through
various posts on attachment theory, setting out my stall even here on my own blog feels risky because it touches on my own untold and untellable story. But it feeds into my fiction. When I began writing my forthcoming second novel, Underneath, the feelings of a neglected baby were very much in my mind. I’d been interested in trying to represent that uncoordinated non-verbal experience in words. As it turned out, my ambition was bigger than my talent and I had to set it aside. But something of that state of mind (or mindlessness) is very present in the novel, both in the narrator, Steve, who began life with a depressed mother and in the extreme vulnerability and dependency of the woman he imprisons in the cellar. The novel also explores issues around an individual’s suitability or unsuitability to adequately undertake a parental role.

Did you pick up on that word explores, much overused here on Annecdotal? But exploring controversial issues is what I think fiction is about. In my novels and short stories, I can set my sensitivities aside in a way I'm insufficiently robust to manage in live debate, and play with different perspectives on an issue close to my heart. (And even that implies much more control and
planning than actually occurs.) Far from wanting to make my characters a mouthpiece for my views, I relish giving them free rein to voice what they think. If I were to bare my soul in non-fiction or memoir, I’d feel extra vulnerable if readers challenged my take on something so fundamental. If someone finds something in my fiction I haven’t consciously put there, I take pride that I’ve done it right.

Besides, I want to engage with my readers on an emotional level. That’s where an ability to
mine the depths of vulnerability, and emerge unscathed, becomes an asset. (Unfortunately, just as I’m getting the hang of how to do that, politics moves into the post-truth era where we need reason more than ever. But that’s another story.)
So why raise this now? Well, because Charli’s cracking the whip again, asking the Rough Writers and friends to contribute a 99-word story that expresses a strong concern, something to give a crap about. Apologies for repeating the theme from another flash fiction piece, At home on the tennis court? But that’s the virtue of writing fiction embedded in the personal, you keep on telling it different ways until you finally manage to say what really matters – or not.
Picture

Default setting


Dragging her group’s attention away from the sunbathers, Grace launched into her spiel.

“Can you speak up a bit?” an elderly man grumbled.

“Did you mean 1907?” another asked.

“Sorry!” Grace forced a smile. “The monument was erected in 1709.”

Her audience glowered at a mother star-fished on the grass, as her baby wailed in its pram. At the back, a woman laughed. “What a racket! Put it in its room and close the door on it.”

Grace stumbled on, her expertise fading as her mind reverted to its original settings. Helpless as a bleating baby, abandoned, scared, alone.

Thanks for reading. I'd love to know what you think. If you've enjoyed this post, you might like to sign up via the sidebar for regular email updates and/or my quarterly Newsletter.
16 Comments
Norah Colvin link
17/1/2017 07:51:57 am

Hi Anne, I'm pleased you wrote about an infant's needs and the importance of those first years. I thought about going there, particularly when the young fellow next door has started to cry again. However, I didn't and struggled with what to write. Your flash tells the story of what happens when a child's cries are not responded to. I wonder how many of us do not have some feelings tied up to needs not being met. Great stuff, Anne. I always enjoy posts like this that reflect your professional roots.

Reply
Annecdotist
17/1/2017 09:15:23 am

Thank you, Norah. I did think our posts might complement each other and, having read yours, I still think they do. Oh, sorry about that crying baby – I guess we do what we can and you do such a good job on supporting children when they get to school. I’m sure for some it will serve to counteract emotionally neglect at home.
The research on attachment suggests about a third of people have that insecure start. The data on the outcomes is scant, but I imagine the lucky ones among us make careers in politics or human services, the less lucky (or it might be due to other factors) end up in psychiatric institutions or prisons.

Reply
Derbhile Graham link
17/1/2017 09:21:40 am

I don't see why you shouldn't write or care about these issues, Anne. I presume you were a child once, and I also hope you're lucky enough to have children in your life in some form. For those reasons, I think we all have a stake in how mothers and babies are treated, even if we have no children. I too have no children but find these issues interesting. Besides, you're a writer, and you can use your imagination and your knowledge of psychology to delve into the world of mothers and babies.

Reply
Annecdotist
17/1/2017 09:49:40 am

Thanks for that endorsement, Derbhile, and, yes, I was a child once – and a child more acquainted with my mother’s emotions than my own, so perhaps I’m well-qualified! Also, I suppose, just by interacting in a community in which most adults are parents we absorb these issues without realising it.

Reply
Luccia Gray link
17/1/2017 10:20:20 am

Hi Anne.
The idea that one can only be interested in, or talk about what one knows first hand, is ridiculous. We are perfectly able to extraoplate experiences, and understand and empathise with others, without having been there physically.How else could anybody read or write books? I spend a great deal of my life in Victorian London, although I've supposedly never been there :)
You said it, tolerance and understanding are the key.
Lovely flash. It's hard bringing up kids and it's hard watching others bring them up! As a teacher and a grandmother I have lots of opinions, but no definite answers! I always tell my children to be thoughtful and also follow their instincts. I try not to interfere directly, but I do make lots of 'casual' suggestions. No one likes to be 'preached to', especially by someone who's not in their shoes.
I've also written a flash about children today, Victorian orphans, in my case. I can't seem to get away from Victorian England, perhaps I've been reincarnated... sometimes I think I really have been there :)

Reply
Annecdotist
17/1/2017 05:17:01 pm

Good points, Luccia, thanks. I still think however that some areas are more sensitive than others and it can be painful to witness those differences in child rearing preferences when you think it’s repeating a pattern of harm. I think you need to be more relaxed about it than I am to be able to make casual suggestions, or neutral enquiries that help the person to think about what they are doing – certainly the best way forward if you can do it!
I enjoyed your flash too, and also wrote about child labour for last week’s prompt. I like the idea of you being a reincarnated Victorian!

Reply
Sarah link
18/1/2017 10:08:26 pm

Wow, this hit me: "The well-being of babies is inseparable from the well-being of their (mostly) mothers and my generation’s Valium-addicted stay-at-home mothers might have been able to be more responsive if they’d felt valued themselves."

There was such a push to let babies cry themselves out in certain generations. Even caring, attentive parents did this. It was the new way to be a "good" parent. I'm sure there are still books advocating this. I'm sure of it. Just as there are books advocating other nonsense. With "scientific" crap to back it up. Oy. Being a parent sucks sometimes. And there is no parenting manual (or, rather, there are hundreds).

I love the idea of engaging with readers on an emotional level. Some genres are easier set up for that but I really try to go for that. Hopefully have in my collection. Who knows?

Excellent flash.

Reply
Annecdotist
20/1/2017 05:45:46 pm

New mothers especially are so vulnerable and want to know how to do the best for their babies, such a pity some of the available advice is wrong. Leaving babies to cry down the bottom of the garden was indeed very much the thing at one point, then went out of fashion, but I think has come back in. You’ll probably no better than I do, but at the moment there’s a thing called “attachment parenting” which doesn’t seem to follow quite from attachment theory as I understand it, but might put some of the whole concept because of the high demands it seems to place on mothers, making it particularly difficult to practice if they are also working.
And, oh yes, Sarah, I think you engage emotionally, even in the flashes on your blog.

Reply
Sarah
21/1/2017 02:44:55 am

We did not do that but it was the thing to do the generation before and also during the time I was a new mum. Thing is, during my time, it was conflicting info. Some mothers were pro and some were not. It was a real issue/argument between mothers when they really could have used someone to bond with and talk to. Shame. The attachment parenting, which we also did not do, was (and still is) being advocated along with the advice to let babies cry it out. There is so much conflicting information backed by whatever statistics work for the writer advocating this crap...mothers are turned inside out. They are already vulnerable, as you say, and are subjected to countless "proven" parenting techniques. Sorry to go on so!

And thank you, Anne, for your kind words. :-) I truly appreciate that.

Annecdotist
22/1/2017 11:11:51 am

You’re most welcome to “go on” – it’s an important issue! I think what’s in vogue and propagated also has a political dimension according to whether or not women are wanted in the workplace. And it’s a struggle making sense of the conflicting research. I’m convinced by the data on attachment and the developing brain – outlined in Sue Gerhardt’s book – but still struggle to articulate it. I also think it’s sad that the very sensible and down-to-earth psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott was broadcasting to mothers on the BBC right up until 1962
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p018qf36
but clearly didn’t impact on mine (although I can imagine the posh voice being offputting) and seems largely to have been forgotten in the mainstream.

Charli Mills
19/1/2017 08:10:32 am

Your posts are enjoyable and informative because you do explore. I think we share a common believe that fiction is an exploration. I'm fascinated, as you've mentioned it before, your attempt to give articulation to the impact of unmet non-verbal needs of an infant. I look forward to how even your attempt will inform your next book. Perhaps it will become a hallmark of your writing over time. I think your flash in much different from the tennis flash, in that we see how the character erodes until she feels at one with the "disrupting" crying baby.

Reply
Annecdotist
20/1/2017 05:37:18 pm

Oh, yes, you certainly explore in your posts and I agree it’s one of the pleasures of writing to set out on a journey without knowing quite where you’ll go. And it’s so encouraging to have our journeys intersect and learn from each other. This might indeed be a long-term project to give the baby its voice in a way that seems authentic to me – hope I’ve got enough years left! And thanks for considering the differences between those two flashes – although I think I meant my tennis player to similarly identify, but failed to articulate it so this is a step forward. Thanks for that.

Reply
Sherri Matthews link
19/1/2017 01:30:17 pm

I think connection with your readers is something you do excellently Anne, and I look for that in fiction as much as in biography. In fact, if the connection isn't there, I don't read it. Your flash is powerful...I can't stand to watch the kind of scene you describe so well, which, sadly, I see too often. Babies definitely do cry for a reason, and as you so rightly say, not only because of a dirty nappy! Your new novel sounds fascinating. I have yet to read Sugar and Snails, but it's there and I know I won't be able to put it down once I start...great post Anne.

Reply
Annecdotist
20/1/2017 05:30:28 pm

Thank you, Sherri, that’s very kind. I also look for an emotional connection in my reading, which is primarily fiction, as you know. It’s strange that people who might go out of their way to comfort an adult who was crying think they don’t need to for a baby who is by definition more vulnerable.
I look forward to your feedback on my novel when you get time to read.

Reply
geoff le pard link
19/1/2017 09:05:15 pm

So much to think about and admire in your analytical way of looking at this. I'm fascinated and what to listen to you talk about attachment and those early years. My parents had very different early years and their self possession (mum) and insecurities (dad) could well be the result at least in part of that.
Your flash is superb and I so agree with telling the same story in different ways to find the underlying truths, of which there can be many.
And I hate the idea of ignored children, and it was something we never did; indeed even when the child was teething and incapable fo being soothed without drugs (and we tried to avoid too many chemicals) we did our utmost to make them feel in a safe place. Even to the extent of people telling us we would regret spoiling them. Ha! I regret nothing!

Reply
Annecdotist
20/1/2017 05:25:56 pm

Thank you, Geoff, interesting to note those differences in your parents’ personalities which could stem from their own childhoods – I have thought occasionally when you’ve mentioned irritations with your dad that some of his attitudes remind me of me!!!
So glad you were able to trust your instincts with your own children. That fear of spoiling them is very widespread, and children do have to come up against frustration in order to develop, but these will happen in the ordinary course of life as no parent could be 100 percent attentive – there’s no need to introduce them deliberately.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Free ebook: click the image to claim yours.
    Picture
    OUT NOW: The poignant prequel to Matilda Windsor Is Coming Home
    Picture
    Find a review
    Picture
    Fictional therapists
    Picture
    Picture
    About Anne Goodwin
    Picture
    My published books
    entertaining fiction about identity, mental health and social justice
    Picture
    My latest novel, published May 2021
    Picture
    My debut novel shortlisted for the 2016 Polari First Book Prize
    Picture
    Picture
    My second novel published May 2017.
    Picture
    Short stories on the theme of identity published 2018
    Anne Goodwin's books on Goodreads
    Sugar and Snails Sugar and Snails
    reviews: 32
    ratings: 52 (avg rating 4.21)

    Underneath Underneath
    reviews: 24
    ratings: 60 (avg rating 3.17)

    Becoming Someone Becoming Someone
    reviews: 8
    ratings: 9 (avg rating 4.56)

    GUD: Greatest Uncommon Denominator, Issue 4 GUD: Greatest Uncommon Denominator, Issue 4
    reviews: 4
    ratings: 9 (avg rating 4.44)

    The Best of Fiction on the Web The Best of Fiction on the Web
    reviews: 3
    ratings: 3 (avg rating 4.67)

    2022 Reading Challenge

    2022 Reading Challenge
    Anne has read 2 books toward their goal of 100 books.
    hide
    2 of 100 (2%)
    view books
    Picture
    Annecdotal is where real life brushes up against the fictional.  
    Picture
    Annecdotist is the blogging persona of Anne Goodwin: 
    reader, writer,

    slug-slayer, tramper of moors, 
    recovering psychologist, 
    struggling soprano, 
    author of three fiction books.

    LATEST POSTS HERE
    I don't post to a schedule, but average  around ten reviews a month (see here for an alphabetical list), 
    some linked to a weekly flash fiction, plus posts on my WIPs and published books.  

    Your comments are welcome any time any where.

    Get new posts direct to your inbox ...

    Enter your email address:

    or click here …

    RSS Feed


    Picture

    Tweets by @Annecdotist
    Picture
    New short story, “My Dirty Weekend”
    Picture
    Let’s keep in touch – subscribe to my newsletter
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Popular posts

    • Compassion: something we all need
    • Do spoilers spoil?
    • How to create a convincing fictional therapist
    • Instructions for a novel
    • Looking at difference, embracing diversity
    • Never let me go: the dilemma of lending books
    • On loving, hating and writers’ block
      On Pop, Pirates and Plagiarism
    • READIN' for HER reviews
    • Relishing the cuts
    • The fast first draft
    • The tragedy of obedience
    • Writers and therapy: a love-hate relationship?

    Categories/Tags

    All
    Animals
    Annecdotist Hosts
    Annecdotist On Tour
    Articles
    Attachment Theory
    Author Interviews
    Becoming Someone
    Being A Writer
    Blogging
    Bodies
    Body
    Bookbirthday
    Books For Writers
    Bookshops
    CB Book Group
    Character
    Childhood
    Christmas
    Classics
    Climate Crisis
    Coming Of Age
    Counsellors Cafe
    Creative Writing Industry
    Creativity
    Cumbria
    Debut Novels
    Disability
    Editing
    Emotion
    Ethics
    Ethis
    Family
    Feedback And Critiques
    Fictional Psychologists & Therapists
    Food
    Friendship
    Futuristic
    Gender
    Genre
    Getting Published
    Giveaways
    Good Enough
    Grammar
    Gratitude
    Group/organisational Dynamics
    Hero’s Journey
    History
    Humour
    Identity
    Illness
    Independent Presses
    Institutions
    International Commemorative Day
    Jane Eyre
    Kidney Disease
    Language
    LGBTQ
    Libraries
    Live Events
    Lyrics For The Loved Ones
    Marketing
    Matilda Windsor
    Memoir
    Memory
    Mental Health
    Microfiction
    Motivation
    Music
    MW Prequel
    Names
    Narrative Voice
    Nature / Gardening
    Networking
    Newcastle
    Nonfiction
    Nottingham
    Novels
    Pandemic
    Peak District
    Perfect Match
    Poetry
    Point Of View
    Politics
    Politics Current Affairs
    Presentation
    Privacy
    Prizes
    Psychoanalytic Theory
    Psychology
    Psycholoists Write
    Psychotherapy
    Race
    Racism
    Rants
    Reading
    Real Vs Imaginary
    Religion
    Repetitive Strain Injury
    Research
    Reviewing
    Romance
    Satire
    Second Novels
    Settings
    Sex
    Shakespeare
    Short Stories General
    Short Stories My Published
    Short Stories Others'
    Siblings
    Snowflake
    Somebody's Daughter
    Stolen Summers
    Storytelling
    Structure
    Sugar And Snails
    Technology
    The
    The Guestlist
    Therapy
    TikTok
    TNTB
    Toiletday
    Tourism
    Toxic Positivity
    Transfiction
    Translation
    Trauma
    Unconscious
    Unconscious, The
    Underneath
    Voice Recognition Software
    War
    WaSBihC
    Weather
    Work
    Writing Process
    Writing Technique

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Picture
    BLOGGING COMMUNITIES
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from havens.michael34, romana klee, mrsdkrebs, Kyle Taylor, Dream It. Do It., adam & lucy, dluders, Joybot, Hammer51012, jorgempf, Sherif Salama, eyspahn, raniel diaz, E. E. Piphanies, scaredofbabies, Nomadic Lass, paulternate, Tony Fischer Photography, archer10 (Dennis), slightly everything, impbox, jonwick04, country_boy_shane, dok1, Out.of.Focus, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service - Midwest Region, Elvert Barnes, guillenperez, Richard Perry, jamesnaruke, Juan Carlos Arniz Sanz, El Tuerto, kona99, maveric2003, !anaughty!, Patrick Denker, David Davies, hamilcar_south, idleformat, Dave Goodman, Sharon Mollerus, photosteve101, La Citta Vita, A Girl With Tea, striatic, carlosfpardo, Damork, Elvert Barnes, UNE Photos, jurvetson, quinn.anya, BChristensen93, Joelk75, ashesmonroe, albertogp123, >littleyiye<, mudgalbharat, Swami Stream, Dicemanic, lovelihood, anyjazz65, Tjeerd, albastrica mititica, jimmiehomeschoolmom