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About the author and blogger ...

Anne Goodwin’s drive to understand what makes people tick led to a career in clinical psychology. That same curiosity now powers her fiction.
A prize-winning short-story writer, she has published three novels and a short story collection with small independent press, Inspired Quill. Her debut novel, Sugar and Snails, was shortlisted for the 2016 Polari First Book Prize.
Away from her desk, Anne guides book-loving walkers through the Derbyshire landscape that inspired Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre.
Subscribers to her newsletter can download a free e-book of award-winning short stories.

TELL ME MORE

On denial, light and dark

14/11/2016

14 Comments

 
As I speed walk along the path, the low sun flickers on and off through the trees. Dark light, dark light, it dizzies my brain as if I’m in a zoetrope, making me pause and clasp a column of rough bark for balance. Usually, I welcome the winter sun on my face, but now I turn from the light that mocks me. Usually, I’m good at seeing in the dark but, even after Brexit, I did not foresee the triumph of Trump and I’m distraught.
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What emerges from each fiasco is the power of denial that one person’s dark is another’s light. As the poet said, humankind can’t take much reality, and, in some respects, it’s the depressed who are most realistic rather than the supposedly sane. How fitting that, in the Kleinian psychology that helps me make sense of the world, the more reality-focused state of mind is termed the depressive position. How disappointing that, despite my belief in the integration of light and dark, I confronted both the UK EU referendum and the US presidential election in a state of denial that so many of the less well-off would vote for an illusion of prosperity and peace. Denial of global warming, denial of our global interdependence, denial of the failure of the supposed trickle-down effect of capitalism, denial of the damage wrought by misogyny, denial that having English as a first language does not entitle us to rule the world. But what do I know? I was in denial about the power of the paranoid to outwit the rational.

Across our two nations, the populations are divided: where one lot sees the Saviour, the other sees Satan. While the
implementation of Brexit faces a legal challenge, the anti-Trump protesters, understandably seeking solace in communal despair, cannot alter the outcome of due democratic process. Even Trump says we must bind the wounds of division, but how do we reconcile a split that cuts so deep?

I’m not going to take instruction from Boris Johnson, but many would agree with some version of his sentiment that we must
stop whingeing and get on with the job. Across the blogosphere, it often seems to me that hope for the future is applauded more than pessimism but, in my experience, denial of the dark side has been more dangerous than failing to see the light. Will we recognise when pragmatism and compromise morphs into collusion with immorality? Will we, like the frog in boiling water, continually adapt to a new normality without noticing it’s become toxic? Aren’t we, in fact already there in our tolerance of torture and the struggles of refugees?

Individually, we need to embrace the balance of light and darkness in whatever way best safeguards our sanity. Collectively, we need the light’s energy to work for a better world and the darkness to know what we must change. Pessimists and optimists must work together without being ground down by the Pollyannaism or negativity of the opposite worldview.

I identify with
Charli Mills in finding a world governed by deniers an extremely scary place, like having parents whose distorted reality must prevail. Seeking a mind of my own has been my salvation, as well as fictionalising some of the darkness we don’t always want to see. I try to leave a crack to let the light in (my tiny tribute to Leonard Cohen who died last week, fortunately for him, I believe, before election results came in) through humour, emotional honesty and the odd sliver of hope. I’ve also enjoyed creating characters whose attempts to deny uncomfortable reality breaks down, such as Diana in my debut novel, Sugar and Snails, and the unnamed narrator in my latest short fiction publication, "Across the Table". It’s also the theme of my response to Charli’s latest challenge to write a 99-word story about an unexpected ending.

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Communal shower

Undoing the buttons down the back of Esther’s dress, I remember the Rosenbergs. What fools we thought them to abandon their friends, their factory, their fine collection of avant-garde art. The Chancellor could not be serious and, if he were, our neighbours would form a wall between us and his henchmen. And if even they turned against us, our intellect would keep safe.

At thirteen, my daughter is shy to undress among strangers. Shamed by her newly shaven head. But won’t it be lovely, I tell her, after days of travelling, to be finally allowed to take a shower?


Let’s hope it’s only a coincidence that
Trump was elected president on the anniversary of Kristallnacht.

Thanks for reading. I'd love to know what you think. If you've enjoyed this post, you might like to sign up via the sidebar for regular email updates and/or my quarterly Newsletter.
14 Comments
Sarah link
14/11/2016 10:31:29 pm

OH, I love this post. I love the depth, of course, the light and darkness. It must be explored. So many amazing quotes here. Will we "continually adapt to a new normality without noticing it’s become toxic?" "we need the light’s energy to work for a better world and the darkness to know what we must change." I just posted Leonard's quote you talk about here.

I don't like link-dropping so you can just erase this but wanted you to see it: https://sarahbrentyn.wordpress.com/2016/11/13/there-is-a-crack-in-everything/

Reply
Annecdotist
15/11/2016 05:32:53 pm

Glad you liked it, fellow haunter of dark corners, and it you notice that my link to the post on pessimism was to your blog? I’m fine with you leaving links here (although Weebly doesn’t seem to allow live links that you don’t have to cut-and-paste) and which see you using LC’s quote too (although yours is disturbingly more hopeful).
And thanks for sharing your gut’s response to the flash! I’m pretty sure no-one’s ever said that about my writing either, but now I’m going to be fishing for similar reactions!

Reply
sarah link
16/11/2016 05:20:15 pm

I didn't notice that! Thanks, fellow haunter of dark corners. ;-) And your flash is brilliant. It's very tough for me to read but it's brilliant.

Sarah
14/11/2016 10:55:33 pm

I was so caught up in your post that I completely missed that flash. I'm speechless. I want to throw up. I've never said that to anyone about their writing but you know what I mean. It's well done, I just can't...

Reply
Deborah Lee link
15/11/2016 03:03:29 am

What a powerful flash. It's sickening. Sometimes when we write, we have to bleed a little.

Reply
Annecdotist
15/11/2016 05:37:01 pm

Thank you, Deborah, it seems to have evoked a similar response in you as in Sarah. But maybe because it's the kind of scene I've imagined many a time, I didn't actually find found it very difficult to write. Must have too much darkness in me already!

Reply
Irene Waters link
15/11/2016 11:46:01 am

That is a stunning flash Anne. One that had my stomach turning and tears welling. One that is all the more scary given the election to power of one who vents his own hatreds thus unleashing those that have been restrained from unleashing their own. I fear we are in for turbulent times and I doubt that the division that has opened can be closed as easily as it was to open it up. I may be totally off the beam and am far removed in the Southern Hemisphere but I can't help but see BREXIT as a totally different issue.
I was very interested to read what you said about optimism and realism. It is true that when you stop and think about being realistic that it does seem like pessimism. Being what I would call a realist, I agree,we have to notice when circumstances become toxic. Time will tell, and we probably need to have more than a conversation in order to move forward. I think we will see a new world order, I just hope that it is one we can all live with.

Reply
Annecdotist
15/11/2016 05:56:11 pm

Thank you for that endorsement, Irene. When I wonder if I’m being overly gloomy predictions, my mind does seem to drift to the Holocaust – and there have been so many similar situations both before and since in which the persecuted must have been unable to imagine things could get so horrific. Turbulent times indeed and, you’re quite right, it’s going to take more than a conversation to fix which is perhaps why it hurts when some politicians urge us to just get on with it (although time can’t actually stand still while we adapt to the new reality).
I’m curious that you perceive Brexit as different, and wondering if it’s to do with Britain being less powerful/important on the world stage than the USA so perhaps having less global impact (unless it provokes a dismantling of the EU, which is a possibility). But, like Trump’s, the Leave campaign was based on downright lies (a prime despicable example being leaving Europe would give us millions to put into the NHS, still one of our most treasured institutions), making the country “great” again (in some ill-defined magical way) and inciting xenophobia – and like in the US there was an upsurge in racist attacks after the result was announced, along with some people genuinely believing that EU migrants from eastern Europe would pack up and go home the next day. And Trump himself, during his campaign, welcomed Nigel Farage, who set up the UK Independence party many years ago with the sole intention of bringing us at the EU (and, like Trump, was initially considered a joke) to join him momentarily on the stage of one of his rallies. And, I think yesterday, but things do move fast it seems when we’re heading for Armageddon, he was the first British politician to have a meeting with the President-elect. So far, I think his offer to be a bridge between the two countries has been rejected by the government.

Reply
Annecdotist
15/11/2016 05:58:05 pm

And another similarity is that the result will hurt those who voted for it the most.

Annecdotist
16/11/2016 10:22:50 am

Tut, tut – will most hurt those who voted for it (although given what I've said to Charli below about vulnerability, maybe that's just another form of denial).

Charli Mills
16/11/2016 04:32:44 am

Your opening paragraph had me there with you, sharing the pain of that comes from a loss of balance. Light and darkness spinning makes it hard to define one from the other. We are all left to wonder what the new normal will be, and you've articulated the human struggle at the heart of it. Yes, like you, I was in denial regarding the power of the paranoid to outwit the rational. Their gloating is no balm, either, but that's a different subject. For now, we seek meaning in a stew pot of frogs. I read "Across the Table" and it has echoes of what I think some in my nation are attempting to do in confronting what has happened. You flash...oh, wow. I had actually forgotten about those in the Jewish community who had rationalized that the worst could not possibly happen (Holocaust). And that last line conveys chapters of tragedy and outrage. Thank you for you most thoughtful response on our state of affairs and the ensuing prompt.

Reply
Annecdotist
16/11/2016 10:21:23 am

Thank you, Charli. The experience had me wondering if this is what the beginning of an epileptic fit might be like so, although I was interestingly just across the road from a hospital, it did feel scary. Fascinating when the world was a useful metaphor – as it happened there was a part of me thinking I might use it in my current WIP!
I think we HAVE to deny the power of the paranoid to a degree, but the lessons are there across history. One good thing it seems to me that’s come out of both of these polls is that we in the enlightened West can no longer blame the electorate in less developed countries for tolerating psychopathic leaders. Perhaps finding the commonalities in our vulnerabilities is the way we’ll move on. (Mm, maybe I need to write a post about that!)
Thanks for that comment on “Across the Table” – because I wrote it several months ago, and before Brexit, I didn’t see it in those wider political terms (which links so strongly with the conversation between you and Sherri on your blog about Jimmy Savile on which I’ve been eavesdropping) – so thanks.
And yes, regarding the Holocaust, we can imagine those who were already marginalised (the less wealthy Jews, Roma, LGBT people etc) being more prepared for what happened (not that anyone’s anguish is more or less than another’s) but the educated, cultured, assimilated, secular, business-owning middle class must have considered themselves immune.
And thanks for prompting this post through your thoughtful and outraged musings on the election result. I actually wasn’t sure I had anything to say!

Reply
Tally Pendragon link
16/11/2016 01:36:03 pm

Anne, this is without a doubt the best piece of flash fiction I have ever read, pure genius. The layers of symbolism unpeel with the dress, seemingly effortlessly, yet so sharp and incisive. Absolute genius.
Tally :-)

Reply
Annecdotist
16/11/2016 06:51:51 pm

Wow, thanks so much, Tally

Reply



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