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About the author and blogger ...

Anne Goodwin’s drive to understand what makes people tick led to a career in clinical psychology. That same curiosity now powers her fiction.
A prize-winning short-story writer, she has published three novels and a short story collection with small independent press, Inspired Quill. Her debut novel, Sugar and Snails, was shortlisted for the 2016 Polari First Book Prize.
Away from her desk, Anne guides book-loving walkers through the Derbyshire landscape that inspired Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre.
Subscribers to her newsletter can download a free e-book of award-winning short stories.

TELL ME MORE

Writing happy?

29/3/2017

8 Comments

 
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How to mark a 500th post? A normal person might host a competition or a giveaway to express their appreciation of their readers and blog followers. One such from the eminent Emma Darwin resulted in my first-ever guest post, on the topic of writer’s block, of which, almost four years on, I’m still immensely proud. But, having failed to plan ahead for today’s illustrious event, and with more than a nip of narcissism in my psyche, I’m stuck with celebrating myself. Look away now if that offends you: there’ll be more reviews next month.

Those who’ve noted, and perhaps found frustration in, my insistence on acknowledging the darkness alongside the light might want to brace yourselves for a shock. This is my “coming out” moment: much as I love my inner miserablist, it’s time to own up to the fact that I’m happy. Not every moment of every day, but enough. Enough for happy to be my current personal descriptor of choice.

I’m not cheerful because, despite my dictionary’s definition of “having a happy disposition; in good spirits”, cheerful implies looking on the bright side and I’m too loyal to the dull side to be guilty of that. I’m not content – although I’m pretty close – because I nurture ambitions, primarily for my writing, that I’ve not yet fulfilled. I’m not pleased – although I’m fortunate circumstances often make me so – because to me that implies the kind of happy that’s contingent on the kindness of the world I can’t control. You, and/or the dictionary, are free to disagree.

I haven’t always been of a happy disposition. Granted, I’ve had my moments of cheerful contented pleasure
along the road from the baby left to cry to the woman I am today. But happiness as a default position has crept up on me in recent months and cannot be denied. While I retain the fragility of my birthright, both the inside of my head and my relationships with the world outside it are in pretty fine fettle these days. Like Muriel Spark’s Jean Brodie, but hopefully without the fascism, I’m in my prime. How could I not be happy?

I’m not sure why I’m telling you this. As this isn’t a particularly personal blog, disclosure feels rather strange. Aside from the superstitious fear of fate responding to my audacious claim by smiting me or my loved ones, I don’t know how to write about it. I don’t want to continue with the information dump or strings of adjectives we are advised to eschew in our creative endeavours. So how do you write happy?

In my fiction, I try to show a character’s emotion not by naming it but by its expression in the body. The sweaty palms, the aching chest, the churning stomach. Outside the sexual sphere, I can’t think of a parallel somatic representation of happy. Smiling doesn’t do it; as I’ve said before, while
some people can’t smile, my own smiling reflex takes no account of my feelings. As a recent immigrant to happy land, a lucid description is beyond me, but perhaps one of the natives will explain how it’s done.


Having set your homework, let me refer you to my guest post, if you haven’t already seen it, courtesy of Gulara Vincent, on one of the activities that contributes to my happiness,
singing in a mixed-voice choir. With another positive post lined up for my forthcoming blog tour, I’m at risk of morphing into a motivational blogger, or at least carving out a space for posts on well-being on my articles page. (Aargh, by the time you read this it might have already happened.)

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Since I don’t expect to post again before the end of the month, here’s a reminder of the seven novels and two non-fiction (as many as two? That’s never happened before) books I’ve highlighted during March. Big thanks to you for reading, however many or few of my 500 posts you’ve read since Annethology began in January 2013. Wishing you satisfying reading and writing until next time.

Thanks for reading. I'd love to know what you think. If you've enjoyed this post, you might like to sign up via the sidebar for regular email updates and/or my quarterly Newsletter.
8 Comments
Caroline link
29/3/2017 04:16:15 pm

Congratulations on 500 posts - always interesting. And for being happy. And for your forthcoming 2nd novel. Not bad. Any secrets?

Reply
Annecdotist
29/3/2017 04:51:01 pm

Thank you, Caroline, it’s not so bad, is it? I imagine things will start to decline at some point in the future, still far-off I hope, and perhaps I’ve hit a plateau, but so far life’s got better the older I’ve got.

Reply
Charli Mills
29/3/2017 10:10:22 pm

I'm relieved to know I'm not the only "not normal" person in the blogosphere who leans toward disregarding blog milestone. Constitutional nonetheless. And what a curiosity, this default happiness. Might it have something to do with the accomplishment and efforts of writing? I've learned much from you on looking for the dark side, and as odd as it sounds, I think adding in those genuinely human elements of darkness makes for richer literature. Have a good build up to your launch!

Reply
Annecdotist
30/3/2017 08:35:57 am

There’s no doubt my forthcoming book is a factor, but it’s more in a general way that I’m doing work I enjoy which is receiving at least some external validation. But I wrote this piece after some disappointing feedback about my next book, so the ups and downs are still very real.
I think embracing the darkness (which, after a lifetime of it being aggressively denied, has only really been possible through an awful lot of therapy) is the major factor in my happiness, alongside actually being extremely lucky as to where I am in my life at the moment.

Reply
Norah Colvin link
30/3/2017 11:48:48 am

Congratulations on your 500th post, Anne. I know I haven't read all of them, but I hope I have read most of them. We seem to have known each other for such a long time now. It is wonderful to share the journey. I'm "pleased" you're feeling "happy" with where you are in life. That is something to celebrate too, and maybe the celebration will bring you joy. No? You wouldn't go that far? It's interesting that you say receiving negative feedback was a setback and the ups and downs continue. I feel that too. Sometimes it grabs at my chest for no real reason and squeezes so hard I have to battle to shake it off and keep going. But what else would I do? I choose happy. If I didn't I'd sink so low the mud would suck me in and I'd be lost forever. That's a scary place I don't want to go. But this was about you. How did I make it about me? I must be more of a narcissist than I thought. Happy 500. I look forward to reading the next 500 and much, much more - stories and novels as well. Congratulations and best wishes.

Reply
Annecdotist
30/3/2017 01:14:54 pm

Thank you, Norah, I’m extremely happy and pleased with the support you’ve given this blog, is not right from the start, then certainly near enough. And yes, I CAN do joy – in fact, I’ll have to muse on it but that might be an even more accurate adjective for my state of mind much of the time.
And of course I appreciate you sharing your own perspective, even if I like it in a narcissistic way as an opportunity to clarify where our similarities and differences lie. (I really think with your generous sharing around the blogosphere, you are less of a narcissistic than I am.)
And where I differ, not just from you but I think from the majority, is that I have not CHOSEN to be happy, but I have CHOSEN to be me and, despite my many flaws, of which narcissism is probably the least troublesome, being me (or at least not the false self I’ve had to live with in the past) makes me happy. I suppose also I’ve examined my scary places in great detail and, although some of that pain won’t ever go away, I’m fairly confident that the worst is in the past.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I was intrigued to see what people would make of this post.

Reply
Norah Colvin link
3/4/2017 11:25:13 am

Hi Anne,
Thank your for your reply and taking the time to point out our similarities and differences. I love that you have chosen to be you. That's a great choice. We do have to accept who we are with all our everything! Well put in your reply.

Annecdotist
3/4/2017 05:45:45 pm

Can be hard to accept, though (it’s certainly taken an awfully long time for me), especially when we can see that things might be easier if we were different. And, of course, there are days when I live with myself much more happily/contentedly than others.




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