annethology
  • Home
    • About Annethology
    • About me >
      • A little more about me
    • About my books
    • Author talks
    • Contact me
    • Forthcoming events
    • World Mental Health Day
    • Privacy
    • Sign up for my newsletter
  • Sugar and Snails
    • Acknowledgements
    • Blog tour, Q&A's and feature articles >
      • Birthday blog tour
      • S&S on tour 2022
    • Early endorsements
    • Events >
      • Launch photos
      • Launch party videos
    • in pictures
    • Media
    • If you've read the book
    • Polari
    • Reading group questions
    • Reviews
    • In the media
  • Underneath
    • Endorsements and reviews
    • Launch party and events
    • Pictures
    • Questions for book groups
    • The stories underneath the novel
  • Matilda Windsor
    • What readers say
    • For book groups
    • Interviews, articles and features
    • Matty on the move
    • Who were you in 1990?
    • Asylum lit
    • Matilda Windsor media
  • Short stories
    • Somebody’s Daughter
    • Becoming Someone (anthology) >
      • Becoming Someone (video readings)
      • Becoming Someone reviews
      • Becoming Someone online book chat
    • Print and downloads
    • Read it online
    • Quick reads
  • Free ebook
  • Annecdotal
    • Articles >
      • Print journalism
      • Where psychology meets fiction
    • Fictional therapists >
      • Themed quotes
      • Reading around the world
      • Reading and reviews >
        • Reviews A to H
        • Reviews I to M
        • Reviews N to Z
        • Nonfiction
  • Shop
    • Inspired Quill (my publisher)
    • Bookshop.org (affiliate link)
    • Amazon UK
    • Amazon US
    • books2read

About the author and blogger ...

Anne Goodwin’s drive to understand what makes people tick led to a career in clinical psychology. That same curiosity now drives her fiction.
A prize-winning short-story writer, she has published three novels and a short story collection with small independent press, Inspired Quill. Her debut novel, Sugar and Snails, was shortlisted for the 2016 Polari First Book Prize.
Away from her desk, Anne guides book-loving walkers through the Derbyshire landscape that inspired Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre.
Subscribers to her newsletter can download a free e-book of award-winning short stories.

TELL ME MORE

Love the one you’re with: another antidote to Valentine’s Day

14/2/2015

15 Comments

 
So we’re at that time of the year again when a certain type of bloke stops giving his partner slaps and punches, and presents her with a bunch of painted carnations from the petrol station instead. Cynical, moi? After blogging this time last year about how a touch of romance can make a dark story a little lighter or render a speculative setting more credible, I thought I’d look back over my recent reviews for novels with the kind of literary coupling I’d enjoy. After all, there’s a romantic plotline in my forthcoming novel, Sugar and Snails, even if it does kick off with a couple at the point of breakup, and the only Valentine cards are those sent to an extremely embarrassed teen.
What strikes me most from my recent reading, however, is not the traditional boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy finds girl story, but practically minded women finding love where they can. For example, Lieve in Glass by Alex Christofi, tells the protagonist (p217):

Doesn’t it seem odd to you that, all through history, people have been fucking whoever is next to them, falling in love in tiny villages where they don’t meet anyone new? People just see who’s around them and pick. If two people get stuck on a desert island they still pair off. I mean, for fuck’s sake, you stick a load of men in prison together, even they pair off … You don’t know how you’re going to find someone, and then someone comes along, and if you’re sensible you make the best of it.

Although separated by sixty years, as well as another language and country, she reminds me of Katharina in The Undertaking who marries Peter for the sake of a widow’s pension should he die in the war, and yet the pair gradually fall in love. A little earlier in the USA, young Linnie Mae falls for Junior Whitshank in one of the shocking revelations in A Spool of Blue Thread, and, over the ensuing years, her love has to suffice for the pair of them. Back in post-war Britain, when sex between men is still illegal, Barbara, one of the minor characters in Nick Hornby’s Funny Girl, forges a successful marriage with a man who cannot fully love her back. On the non-fiction side, in contemporary Africa, I was intrigued by Asad’s two marriages in A Man of Good Hope: the first begins as revenge and turns into love; the second is more out of pity for a refugee and a young child who would die on the streets without a man’s protection.

Relationships require compromise, but compromise is tricky: too much risks edging towards the kind of wifely adaptation either fictional or otherwise that leads to physical and mental breakdown; too little traps us in a Sisyphean search for our unique soulmate, when we might find contentment with a fit that’s good enough. Perhaps it’s because of Charli’s latest flash fiction prompt that I’m wondering if the missing ingredient is another c-word: we need compassion for ourselves to recognise what we need and ensure that we get it either within or outside our romantic relationships; we need compassion for our partners to accept them as they are, rather than resenting them for what they’re not. So I’ve composed my flash around the compassion for the relationship that holds it together:

We never reserved I love you for Valentine’s and anniversaries, so why should it matter that, this year, you forgot? Yet I contemplate arsenic-on-toast for your breakfast; you couldn’t even bring me a cup of tea in bed.

Once you’re cleaned, fed and dressed, we wait for the sitter. The hairdresser’s booked and the theatre, a restaurant reservation for one.

This evening, when I’m calm again, we’ll look through the photographs. “Who’s that handsome man with the carnation buttonhole?” I’ll say. I won’t mind if you can’t tell me; my memories of our marriage are strong enough for two.

This is a much-condensed version of “The Merry Widow”, one of the first stories I wrote and submitted for publication, so, for all the pleasure I take in post-apocalyptic novels, this may be the more mundane future I fear. Ah, well, another chance to link to my post on literary dementia!

What do you think helps relationships endure over the years? Do we make the best couplings by holding back for the right love match, or do we create that between us by loving the one we’re with?

If you’d like to join in with the Carrot Ranch flash-fiction challenge, you’ve got time before the deadline on Tuesday afternoon. Or consider joining the 1000 voices blogging for compassion this Friday 20 February. I’m hoping to write a bit more about self-compassion for my contribution.

Thanks for reading. I'd love to know what you think. If you've enjoyed this post, you might like to sign up via the sidebar for regular email updates and/or my quarterly Newsletter.
15 Comments
Charli Mills link
14/2/2015 10:59:57 am

That is a great pairing, the song and the quote from Glass. I was already playing "Love the One Your With" as I read further and laughed at how well "...people have been fucking whoever is next to them..." summarized Stills' song!

I like that you chose the relationship. The first time I read it, I thought she was angry over his forgetfulness and wanted to put arsenic on his toast and dine alone because of it. Then the dementia twist hit me. What depth it gives to her thoughts and actions -- arsenic on toast could be a mercy killing; dining alone is taking care of herself as a caretaker. Well written!

I look forward to your post on self-compassion Feb. 20!

Reply
Annecdotist
16/2/2015 04:52:10 am

Glad you enjoyed the music, Charli. It was funny how it came into my head as I haven't listened to it for years, but I was also quite pleased with the pairing.
I'm not sure if my story might have been a bit too subtle for 99 words, but I wanted to start from a failure of compassion to demonstrate her need as well as his. Glad it got there in the end.

Reply
geoff link
14/2/2015 02:46:32 pm

Ah Stephen Stills; why haven't I listened to him in years? Thank you for that.
Your flash is great too; lots of scope for seeing other angles.
I think not over analysing probably helps with relationships. That and a deep empathy for your partner's situation. Having things in common and things that are different; accepting weaknesses as inevitable; enjoying laughing at similar things; certainly laughing when things go wrong; saying sorry even when you're not certain you are in the wrong; oh and probably most important, bringing her tea in bed for over thirty years. That certainly helps!

Reply
Annecdotist
16/2/2015 04:55:27 am

Wise words from one side of an enduring marriage, thanks for that. I like what you said about saying sorry when you don't feel you're necessarily in the wrong, as long as it's done authentically, not like a politician's. That's not something I find easy myself, but it can help if I think of the relationship as something that is separate from the two people who take part in it, so that I can recognise my commitment to fighting for that rather than engaging in power battles with the other.

Reply
tu link
15/2/2015 12:58:07 am

I watched Blue is the Warmest Colour (I've yet to read the book) and for me it spelled that you can have real loves that only last a period of time, after which one person grows away -- or maybe both. Love is in the moment. Valentine's Day just seems a prompt to celebrate that.

Reply
Annecdotist
16/2/2015 04:56:59 am

I haven't seen that, Tracey, but that's a good way to think of Valentine's Day as not necessarily encompassing all types of love between couples but the heady excitement of the beginning.

Reply
sarah link
15/2/2015 05:43:24 pm

Love the flash. I, too, had a different thought and had to reread to get the idea of dementia. Very nice. (The flash, not dementia.) How horrible. You did a beautiful job with it.

Thanks for the Stills song. :-) I just posted a Neil Young song on my recent post. Lovely...

I have to read your review of A Spool of Blue Thread still. Looks interesting.

Reply
Annecdotist
16/2/2015 05:00:20 am

Thanks, Sarah, I must pop over and check what you've chosen from Neil Young. Four Strong Winds is probably my favourite of his.
Like I said in response to Charli, that flash might have been a bit TOO subtle.

Reply
Norah Colvin link
15/2/2015 09:33:09 pm

Hi Anne,
Linking compassion for others and the romance of Valentine's Day is of the type of "coupling" we often find in your posts. Lieve's words in "Glass" by Alex Christofi remind me of the TED talk I listened to this morning: The Mathematics of Love by Hannah Fry
<iframe src="https://embed-ssl.ted.com/talks/hannah_fry_the_mathematics_of_love.html" width="640" height="360" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" webkitAllowFullScreen mozallowfullscreen allowFullScreen></iframe>
Your flash is very poignant and definitely inspires compassion for both partners. I thought the story/situation seemed familiar and that I must have read "The Merry Widow" previously, but when I went looking for it (via the link and in the list of titles on your site) I couldn't find it so am not 100% sure. It certainly describes a very tragic situation and a future which I, too, fear (need to get all that reading and writing done while we can!)
I look forward to a further post on self-compassion later in the week.

Reply
Norah Colvin
15/2/2015 10:29:57 pm

i see the 'embed' link in the comment above didn't work. You may like to replace it with this link: https://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_fry_the_mathematics_of_love?language=en

Reply
Annecdotist
16/2/2015 05:05:25 am

Thanks, Norah, I'll have a listen to the Ted Talk later. I was intrigued by the title as it's also the title of one of Emma Darwin's novels (the great writing teacher that I am often linking to here).
And sorry the blog doesn't accept live links – not my choice and afraid – and I think that story is only available in the anthology (it might seem that you've read it as you are becoming so acquainted with where my mind likes to wander in fiction) but I might need to look at giving it another chance elsewhere.

Reply
carol hedges link
16/2/2015 12:57:31 am

As someone who is celebrating their Ruby wedding this year, I'd say some of this is spot on. Mr Right does not exist. Mr Right Amount might, if you're that way inclined, and good luck to you. We have been through good times and bad times..but at the end of the day, I don't know who else I'd trust to wipe my arse when dementia strikes!

Reply
Annecdotist
16/2/2015 05:07:20 am

Congratulations, Carol, and yeah, that's a good practical attitude. I suppose the thing is, would you want to wipe his arse if it hits him first?

Reply
Irene Waters link
22/2/2015 02:12:39 pm

I liked your suggestion that we should be compassionate to our partners. They are certainly ones that often get left out of the mix. I think what works for one probably doesn't work for another - in fact I know of some marriages that are happy that I would be miserable if I was the woman. Being good friends, giving each other space and allowing retention of individuality has worked so far for me. Fingers crossed.
Your flash is perfect. It isn't too subtle but I can see that there is potential for different interpretations. That isn't a bad thing though and if it were longer these interepretations would probably not be possible. Being of an age where I know dementia afflicted people I recognised this as dementia.

Reply
Annecdotist
23/2/2015 07:55:53 am

Fingers crossed for both of us, Irene!
Glad you liked the flash, I do have a sense I'm looking at my own future!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Free ebook: click the image to claim yours.
    Picture
    Find a review
    Picture
    Fictional therapists
    Picture
    Picture
    About Anne Goodwin
    Picture
    My published books
    entertaining fiction about identity, mental health and social justice
    Picture
    My latest novel, published May 2021
    Picture
    My debut novel shortlisted for the 2016 Polari First Book Prize
    Picture
    Picture
    My second novel published May 2017.
    Picture
    Short stories on the theme of identity published 2018
    Anne Goodwin's books on Goodreads
    Sugar and Snails Sugar and Snails
    reviews: 32
    ratings: 52 (avg rating 4.21)

    Underneath Underneath
    reviews: 24
    ratings: 60 (avg rating 3.17)

    Becoming Someone Becoming Someone
    reviews: 8
    ratings: 9 (avg rating 4.56)

    GUD: Greatest Uncommon Denominator, Issue 4 GUD: Greatest Uncommon Denominator, Issue 4
    reviews: 4
    ratings: 9 (avg rating 4.44)

    The Best of Fiction on the Web The Best of Fiction on the Web
    reviews: 3
    ratings: 3 (avg rating 4.67)

    2022 Reading Challenge

    2022 Reading Challenge
    Anne has read 2 books toward their goal of 100 books.
    hide
    2 of 100 (2%)
    view books
    Picture
    Annecdotal is where real life brushes up against the fictional.  
    Picture
    Annecdotist is the blogging persona of Anne Goodwin: 
    reader, writer,

    slug-slayer, tramper of moors, 
    recovering psychologist, 
    struggling soprano, 
    author of three fiction books.

    LATEST POSTS HERE
    I don't post to a schedule, but average  around ten reviews a month (see here for an alphabetical list), 
    some linked to a weekly flash fiction, plus posts on my WIPs and published books.  

    Your comments are welcome any time any where.

    Get new posts direct to your inbox ...

    Enter your email address:

    or click here …

    RSS Feed


    Picture

    Tweets by @Annecdotist
    Picture
    New short story, “My Dirty Weekend”
    Picture
    Let’s keep in touch – subscribe to my newsletter
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture

    Popular posts

    • Compassion: something we all need
    • Do spoilers spoil?
    • How to create a convincing fictional therapist
    • Instructions for a novel
    • Looking at difference, embracing diversity
    • Never let me go: the dilemma of lending books
    • On loving, hating and writers’ block
      On Pop, Pirates and Plagiarism
    • READIN' for HER reviews
    • Relishing the cuts
    • The fast first draft
    • The tragedy of obedience
    • Writers and therapy: a love-hate relationship?

    Categories/Tags

    All
    Animals
    Annecdotist Hosts
    Annecdotist On Tour
    Articles
    Attachment Theory
    Author Interviews
    Becoming Someone
    Being A Writer
    Blogging
    Bodies
    Body
    Bookbirthday
    Books For Writers
    Bookshops
    Candles
    CB Book Group
    Character
    Childhood
    Christmas
    Classics
    Climate Crisis
    Coming Of Age
    Counsellors Cafe
    Creative Writing Industry
    Creativity
    Cumbria
    Debut Novels
    Disability
    Editing
    Emotion
    Ethics
    Ethis
    Family
    Feedback And Critiques
    Fictional Psychologists & Therapists
    Food
    Friendship
    Futuristic
    Gender
    Genre
    Getting Published
    Giveaways
    Good Enough
    Grammar
    Gratitude
    Group/organisational Dynamics
    Hero’s Journey
    History
    Humour
    Identity
    Illness
    Independent Presses
    Institutions
    International Commemorative Day
    Jane Eyre
    Language
    LGBTQ
    Libraries
    Live Events
    Marketing
    Matilda Windsor
    Memoir
    Memory
    Mental Health
    Microfiction
    Motivation
    Music
    MW Prequel
    Names
    Narrative Voice
    Nature / Gardening
    Networking
    Newcastle
    Nonfiction
    Nottingham
    Novels
    Pandemic
    Peak District
    Poetry
    Point Of View
    Politics
    Politics Current Affairs
    Presentation
    Privacy
    Prizes
    Psychoanalytic Theory
    Psychology
    Psycholoists Write
    Psychotherapy
    Race
    Racism
    Rants
    Reading
    Real Vs Imaginary
    Religion
    Repetitive Strain Injury
    Research
    Reviewing
    Romance
    Satire
    Second Novels
    Settings
    Sex
    Shakespeare
    Short Stories General
    Short Stories My Published
    Short Stories Others'
    Siblings
    Snowflake
    Somebody's Daughter
    Storytelling
    Structure
    Sugar And Snails
    Technology
    The
    Therapy
    TikTok
    TNTB
    Tourism
    Toxic Positivity
    Transfiction
    Translation
    Trauma
    Unconscious
    Unconscious, The
    Underneath
    Voice Recognition Software
    War
    WaSBihC
    Weather
    Work
    Writing Process
    Writing Technique

    Archives

    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Picture
    BLOGGING COMMUNITIES
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos used under Creative Commons from havens.michael34, romana klee, mrsdkrebs, Kyle Taylor, Dream It. Do It., adam & lucy, dluders, Joybot, Hammer51012, jorgempf, Sherif Salama, eyspahn, raniel diaz, E. E. Piphanies, scaredofbabies, Nomadic Lass, paulternate, Tony Fischer Photography, archer10 (Dennis), slightly everything, impbox, jonwick04, country_boy_shane, dok1, Out.of.Focus, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service - Midwest Region, Elvert Barnes, guillenperez, Richard Perry, jamesnaruke, Juan Carlos Arniz Sanz, El Tuerto, kona99, maveric2003, !anaughty!, Patrick Denker, David Davies, hamilcar_south, idleformat, Dave Goodman, Sharon Mollerus, photosteve101, La Citta Vita, A Girl With Tea, striatic, carlosfpardo, Damork, Elvert Barnes, UNE Photos, jurvetson, quinn.anya, BChristensen93, Joelk75, ashesmonroe, albertogp123, >littleyiye<, mudgalbharat, Swami Stream, Dicemanic, lovelihood, anyjazz65, Tjeerd, albastrica mititica, jimmiehomeschoolmom