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About the author and blogger ...

Anne Goodwin’s drive to understand what makes people tick led to a career in clinical psychology. That same curiosity now powers her fiction.
A prize-winning short-story writer, she has published three novels and a short story collection with small independent press, Inspired Quill. Her debut novel, Sugar and Snails, was shortlisted for the 2016 Polari First Book Prize.
Away from her desk, Anne guides book-loving walkers through the Derbyshire landscape that inspired Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre.
Subscribers to her newsletter can download a free e-book of award-winning short stories.

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Never let me go: the dilemma of lending books

4/11/2015

21 Comments

 
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So, you’re midway through composing a blog post when, in a flash of inspiration, you hit on the very book that will nail the point you want to make. You scuttle off to your “library”, zeroing in on the shelf where – however eccentric your filing system¹ – you know it will be waiting for you. Except that it isn’t and, you now remember, it did a flit some time back. You lent it to a trusted friend – his/her exact identity lost in the mists of time – and it’s never been returned.

It’s happened to me a couple of times in recent months. The book in question was one of my favourite novels, namely – I kid you not – Never Let Me Go². I should’ve taken more notice because I’m bereft without it. I want to break into friends’ houses at the dead of night and go rummaging through their possessions till I find it. I’ve asked around of course, but no-one has fessed up.

It isn’t only from parsimony that I resist buying myself a replacement. This is as much about relationships as access to those printed words. I’m holding out for something, the final link in the chain that started out when I plucked it from the shelves and said You must read this! I won’t be satisfied until the book’s returned and the person tells me how much they loved it – or even hated it, but they read it all the same.

Someone I care for and about, who cares for me in other important ways, doesn’t understand the sanctity of books? Okay, it’s not enough to break a friendship, but it rankles.

There are ways round this, of course. One is not to lend, but to forego the spontaneity and gift especially-purchased copies of my favourite books. Another is to lend only those books I don’t care if I lose. But what’s the point of doling out books I’m not particularly fond of? Only a mediocre friendship would rest on trading mediocre books. Yet whenever I’ve guiltily offloaded a stack of disappointing reads to a friend in lieu of taking them to the charity shop –guess what? Every one of those so-so books was dutifully returned.

The lending process has worked best for me on those odd occasions when I’ve liked, but not loved, a book but had in mind a friend who might enjoy it more. Thus R gets temporary custody of Red Strangers because she’s lived in Kenya and A gets The Marrying of Chani Kaufman because she met a young woman in Chani’s situation on a plane coming back from Jerusalem. If I ever meet those books again, it hardly matters if it’s on my bookshelves or my friends’.

Revisiting that gap on my bookshelves, a tattered copy of The Go-Between³ forces me to rethink. A few years ago, I happened upon that old favourite on my sister’s shelves. Was it originally mine, I wondered. My sister convinced me it was not. We talked about our love of the book, and then the conversation moved on. I’d forgotten all about it until, preparing to leave, I found it in my bag with a note from my sister inside. She wasn’t lending it to me, she was giving it. Knowing how much I wanted it, she was prepared to let it go. Years on, I’m moved by that act of generosity and shamed that I can’t match it.

It’s also slightly shaming to see my own attitude echoed in the unfulfilled protagonist of Alison Moore’s brilliant second novel, He Wants⁴:

Despite his efforts, though, despite the returning of all these books to the shelves, there are still gaps where there should not be gaps, spaces at which he stares, wondering what is missing, becoming anxious about books that might have been borrowed and might never be returned. (p17)

I wrote this post some time ago and, for some reason, never got round to sharing it. Now I’m a published novelist⁵, I’ve discovered another perspective on the theme. While I appreciate my novel being read, whatever the circumstances, it’s obviously better for me (not so much financially, but in sales statistics) if people buy their own copy, or even borrow it from the library. But, as others have found⁶, lots of people don’t buy books. That’s the sad reality of publishing, which you can read more about on the Writers and Artists website⁷. And while you’re there, check out my own contribution to the resource on working with a small independent publisher⁸.

What’s your attitude to sharing books? Do you enjoy giving others the opportunity to love what you’ve loved or do you struggle to let go? Has the advent of the e-book rendered all this possessiveness irrelevant? As an author, how do you feel about others sharing your books? Do let me know.

¹See my blog post: How Do You Arrange Your Literary Bookshelves? and/or a similar one from Caroline Lodge.
²For evidence of my obsession with this novel, see Romantic fiction for the unromantic, Any thoughts on slipstream fiction? or Don’t try to dictate what I should feel. There might even be others lurking in the archives.
³Because I’m obsessed with linking, I can’t help pointing out that my missing book and the one I’ve been gifted are examples of the country house novel.
⁴The Complexity of Desire: He Wants by Alison Moore
⁵Flogging the first, fixing the second and rewriting the third: am I now novelist?
⁶Who will buy your book?
⁷Writers and Artists advice
⁸Making small-press publication work for you
See also Sarah Brentyn admitting she doesn’t like her own childhood books messed up by her own kids.
Thanks for reading. I'd love to know what you think. If you've enjoyed this post, you might like to sign up via the sidebar for regular email updates and/or my quarterly Newsletter.
21 Comments
Sandra Davies link
4/11/2015 10:42:02 am

OH!! This resonates on so many levels; says what I say about tarnishing friendships, especially when all other instincts about a person says "trust me"
And I know the "stupidity" of preferring a specific book; bought myself a replacement copy of one my MA tutor(!) borrowed but it never felt the same, I've lost my pleasure in it.
And those less-than-friends who don't even know they ought to return it!! "Oh, I thought you'd read it." Grrr ...
I'll lend to my children ... but know not to trust the one who said "I hoped you'd think they were mine"
Thanks, Anne, for the opportunity for a rant.

Reply
Annecdotist
6/11/2015 09:35:27 am

Thanks, Sandra, always welcome a rant from a kindred spirit.

Reply
sarah link
4/11/2015 10:06:51 pm

Haha! "Someone I care for and about, who cares for me in other important ways, doesn’t understand the sanctity of books? Okay, it’s not enough to break a friendship, but it rankles." You KNOW I'm in agreement with this one. I wrote about this a bit ago on my blog (just a quick snippet). I don't like to lend books to friends and usually flat-out refuse to lend them to my kids. Okay, now that they're a bit older, I'm less hesitant. Anyway, love the post. (And the title of the book!)

Reply
sarah
4/11/2015 10:08:09 pm

Oh, for goodness sake! I just saw the link to that post. Apologies. O_o Time for a nap.

Reply
Annecdotist
6/11/2015 09:38:36 am

Well, easy to miss that link among the plethora of others – also (shows how long ago I wrote the original draft of this) I'd already done the numbering for the other links when I saw your fabulous post, and wasn't up to redoing the lot in order to link it earlier in the text ;).
Funny, isn't it, how we cling onto our books?
Though nice to know your children are now getting the opportunity to read your favourites!

Norah Colvin link
5/11/2015 10:56:08 am

I agree wholeheartedly, Anne. I feel exactly the same way. If I love a book I want everyone to read it. But I don't want to let it go either. I'm always looking for books on my shelf and I can't understand why they are not there. I can't imagine why I would have given them away or lent them or to whom. These "gaps" annoy me. Particularly when some of them are no longer available, and a repurchase as Sandra says, just doesn't seem to cut it. There is one book that I have never gotten over. It was a novel by a favourite educator, Sylvia Ashton Warner, called "Spinster". No one would take any notice of her teaching until she wrote about it in a novel. Then a lot of attention was given to her work. They even made a movie about her. I, foolishly, lent the novel to a colleague and never got it back. Grrrrr! But I still do lend occasionally, more often I will buy a copy for the friend. Now I often give them away in preparation for the inevitable cull. But there are many I am still not ready to part with.
Did I ever tell you how much I love the feel and smell of your book? I bought the ebook. Bec bought the paperback. It is a lovely tactile experience. :)
Thanks for linking to Sarah's post. I'll pop over there for a read now.

Reply
Annecdotist
6/11/2015 09:44:43 am

Interesting story about Spinster, Norah, I can see why you'd be upset to lose that one. It also reminds me that, if I've liked a novel before the author became popular (e.g. Hilary Mantel), I want to be able to show off my aged tattered version (especially as it's not often I'm ahead of the trend).
After reading this I went away to smell my book – a lovely image of you and Bec passing the paperback between you. And assuming that means it's survived the heat – a friend who went on holiday to Croatia this summer found that all the books she'd taken fell apart! Hard to imagine, but I was relieved that mine wasn't the only one that had done that to her. I told her she'd just have to buy another!

Reply
Norah Colvin link
9/11/2015 10:34:56 am

Love your response to the friend whose book fell apart! I hope she took it. (The advice, that is!)
What do you think of the smell and feel of your book? Are you happy with the tactile experience?

Annecdotist
9/11/2015 03:51:50 pm

Actually, I was mortified when she said it had come apart, but relieved it wasn't only mine. not sure she's got a replacement yet – she certainly hasn't asked me to sign it!

Jeanne Lombardo link
6/11/2015 04:23:52 pm

Oh how I resonate with this post! My husband and I frequently debate this issue. He is staunchly against lending out his books and sticks to a firm policy on it. However, rather than let a friend or family member languish in deprivation, he will go out and buy a copy of the book for that person. I on the other hand often get caught in the spur of my desire to share something that has touched me with someone I love or like. Hence, those few gaps on my shelf. My daughter has inherited this impulse. But this last week found both of us strongly hinting (if not accusing) the other one of having absconded with a favorite tome. She is convinced I have her copy of Slouching towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion. And until it reappeared quite suddenly wedged in where I had not thought to look, I was sure I had lent her my copy of Alain De Botton's How Proust Can Change Your Life. And I agree with Sandra D's observation above. A replacement copy just doesn't have the value of a book with which you have spent enraptured hours, in which you have perhaps jotted your reactions and marked your favorite passages. Thanks for this thought-provoking post. What passions books inspire!

Reply
Annecdotist
9/11/2015 03:56:14 pm

Easy to see how wars – or at least family feuds – arise when we can get so suspicious about the disappearance of things we treasure. Even though I tend not to write in my books, even for reviews, I can still feel very attached to the original copy. What if the new one had a different cover? It would be an entirely different thing!
And while your husband's strategy is eminently sensible, like you, most of my recommendations are spontaneous. I suppose nowadays we have the opportunity to buy someone an e-book, but it's not the same as plucking it from the shelf and handing it over. Thanks for sharing your family's take on the issue.

Reply
Charli Mills
7/11/2015 03:11:58 am

For me, sharing a book is an expression of love, especially one from my own shelves. Recently, I was in the position of feeling guilty -- three years ago, my eldest and her husband lent me their entire Wheel of Time Collection (14 books). They came to Idaho with me in a cloth shopping bag and sat in my closet because I bought (and fell in love with) a Paperwhite Kindle. I downloaded all my WOT series. I remember giving them the bag before they moved from Montana to Michigan, yet recently, my son-in-law's brother questioned where those books were (some were his)! My daughter said I had them. Panic! I feel just as awful not to return someone's book as do about not getting mine back! Luckily, her husband remembered where he put the bag and we can all have Thanksgiving dinner later this month without glaring at one another. :-)

Reply
Annecdotist
9/11/2015 04:01:25 pm

Panic indeed, Charli! I do feel the same about failing to return the book but interesting that time so egotistical I neglected to mention that in this post. As I said to Jeanne, easy to see how relationships can break down – glad you're all going to be able to sit down comfortably together for Thanksgiving.

Reply
Mary Mayfield link
10/11/2015 10:44:09 pm

I don't mind sharing books - I see it as part of spreading the word about a newly discovered author - BUT I like to be sure I'm getting them back. I lent a locally-set crime novel to a neighbour. She really loved it, told me how fantastic it was and she'd look for more of the author's books to buy for herself - then passed MY copy on to someone else! There's a happy end to the tale though, she felt so guilty once she realised that she rushed out and bought a new copy for me :)

Reply
Annecdotist
12/11/2015 02:51:30 pm

Thanks for sharing, Mary. I'm wondering about developing what happened with your neighbour into a sales strategy: make them feel guilty and buy more copies! Might work.

Reply
carol hedges link
11/11/2015 10:12:58 am

Never lend books. Been there, done that, discovered lender had given it to Oxfam as forgot it was mine. Happy to GIVE books to people. Or Oxfam. For the rest..eeek...I felt your pain!

Reply
Annecdotist
12/11/2015 02:53:29 pm

Thanks, Carol, it sounds like your experience was very similar to Mary's. I suppose it could have come full circle and you bought your copy back from the Oxfam shop!

Reply
Tracey Scott-Townsend link
13/11/2015 08:47:10 am

I mourn, amongst other lent and lost books, my lost copy of What Katy Did Next that I was given as a Christmas present aged 12. Lent to a friend for her daughter to read a few years ago. It had my childish scrawl of a name in it. WHY did I lend it? WHY do I never learn not to do this. Like you, Anne, I have lost sleep over it.

Reply
Annecdotist
11/9/2018 12:21:13 pm

Mega apologies that I missed this at the time – don’t know how that happened. But I share your pain – someone should have realised that book was special.

Reply
Clare Stevens link
9/9/2018 04:01:18 pm

I think books (like biros) are communal. Letting them go is all part of the flow of life, and frees up shelf space for others to flow in. Sometimes they make their way back to me, sometimes they don't. I like to think of them having a life of their own, showing up where they're most needed, or likely to be appreciated.

Reply
Annecdotist
11/9/2018 12:18:58 pm

Thanks, Clare, and that’s a great attitude – coming to raid your bookshelves!

Reply



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