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Welcome

I started this blog in 2013 to share my reflections on reading, writing and psychology, along with my journey to become a published novelist.​  I soon graduated to about twenty book reviews a month and a weekly 99-word story. Ten years later, I've transferred my writing / publication updates to my new website but will continue here with occasional reviews and flash fiction pieces, and maybe the odd personal post.

ANNE GOODWIN'S WRITING NEWS

Part-time mourning for writerly disappointments?

20/7/2018

15 Comments

 
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The writer’s life is rife with disappointment. One of the main factors differentiating the successful from the unsuccessful is not the degree of failure they encounter, but the ability and willingness to scrape oneself up from the ground and carry on. But how do we do that? The blogosphere thrums with posts on adopting an almost military discipline, but that’s not right for everyone. It’s not right for me.

Personally, I can’t see the point of writing unless you love it, but loving intensely can sometimes flip into hate. Should we beat ourselves up when this happens? I don’t think so. But I think we can allow ourselves to feel the disappointment without wallowing in despair.

For those of us whose creativity stems from a place of vulnerability, rejection might hit especially hard, activating a script of inconsolable grief. We need to take care of ourselves, to practice self-compassion, but those who need this most might be least likely to embrace it.

As well as the pleasure in the act of writing, one of the things that can keep us going when things get tough are dreams of success. Some of these might be so highfalutin we’d be embarrassed to admit them. But they still matter. Whether it’s the antics of her characters or her own glorious future, there’s no point telling a writer her imaginary world isn’t real.

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Feeling low a few days after a recent disappointment, I berated myself for not getting a grip. I’d tried to persevere with my WIP but my words were wooden, and couldn’t engage with much enthusiasm in anything else. Not only was I stuck in the metaphorical cave, I blamed myself for my inability to scramble out of it. Especially as it was such a minor cave, not a real tragedy at all.

Perhaps because I’d recently read a novel that got me thinking about the difference between denial and mourning, I was reminded of my younger self, grieving for the loss of my first cohabiting relationship. I recalled how, after spending numerous evenings weeping as I sorted through our shared possessions, I continued grieving, but in a low-key and controlled fashion.
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Mondays to Fridays I went to work as normal, but my weekends were dedicated to grief. I wouldn’t wash or comb my hair (I don’t comb my hair now, but then it was long enough to tangle) and went for slow solitary walks like a tragic heroine from a Victorian novel.

I didn’t plan to engage in part-time mourning, but somehow it worked for me. When spring arrived, I began to enjoy life again, including living alone. By mid-summer I was cementing another relationship and, to
quote Jane Eyre, Reader, I married him a few years later and we’re still going strong.

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Adopting a similar perspective to my writerly disappointment has felt empowering. Petulance feels childish, despair an overreaction, depression too passive, but, even slobbing around or taking myself off for a walk, mourning feels like getting things done. It’s not for nothing that Freud referred to mourning as work.

Unlike when I had a day job, I haven’t altered my routines particularly to accommodate my current grief. But it’s altered my attitude enough to enable me to be kinder to myself and to choose a better balance between work and play. When my inner critic raises its ugly head I remind myself I’m mourning, and that brings a smile.


And just as writing for publication means inevitable disappointment, the writing life reaps rewards, however small. While we should beware of relying on magical thinking to fix our problems, if we’ve put ourselves out there enough, we’ll inevitably get something back. Sometimes it’s a matter of hanging on until our bad luck turns good.

One of the best cures for that bad patch is the success that’s totally unexpected. I felt it when Marsha Ingrao wrote a post on learning about
how to write mystery through my debut novel, Sugar and Snails. Last week it was because someone from Nottingham Writers’ Studio nominated me for two of its inaugural members’ awards.
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Acknowledging it here, when most of my readers not only know nothing about the Studio, you might not know where Nottingham is, I’m tempted to contextualise. It’s only … But alongside mourning lost dreams, a writer must work to celebrate any success, however small. For me, that might be trickier than grieving, but I’m working on it. (Actually, since drafting this, I’ve got a whole post on it, but that’s for next week.)

How about you? How do you manage those inevitable disappointments of the writing life?

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This week’s flash fiction challenge is to write a 99-word story about Fannie Hooe. Being clueless about who or what she is – actually
, as Charli describes in her post, she’s a lake named after a girl who went missing – is no excuse for not joining in.

As you’ll see, I’m still rather caught up in analysing the hero’s journey story structure and wondering if, and how, to make it work for me. While relishing the conversation in the comments, I’d forgotten this short story about perverted heroism, where grief and fear are denied. Drawing on this post’s theme of mourning, I’ve approached this from a slightly different angle in my flash:

The hero’s wife

They hailed him a hero, she called him a fool. Someone had to save the kid, he said. Maybe, but why you?

She couldn’t look at him at dinner. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t watch the evening news, took herself to bed. But even with her eyes screwed tight, she saw him, grinning, dripping lake water on the shore.

Later, he found her, let her cry in his arms. I’m sorry, he said, I didn’t think. Dived right in.

Why should he think? He never met her father, the hero dead before her teens. Rescuing a girl from drowning. Fannie Hooe.
 
Thanks for reading. I'd love to know what you think. If you've enjoyed this post, you might like to sign up via the sidebar for regular email updates and/or my quarterly Newsletter.
15 Comments
D. Avery link
20/7/2018 02:33:12 pm

First, the flash; very well done, you dealt beautifully with a tough prompt this week and are still dealing with the hero business. My you are a one stone, multiple bird sort of person.
Second, well congratulations on all your successes, big and small.
Third, As far as dealing with writerly disappointments, here's my advice: denial. I am still struggling at the first step, admitting to being a writer. Denying being a writer makes having no successes with writing easier to swallow and even minor successes simply amazing.
It's funny though how you were about to contextualize the Nottingham nomination, to downplay it. Natural reaction, right up there with denial.
Do neither. Mourn when you need to then move along. Yikes I can't wait to see how one might celebrate success. (I'm lately thrilled that my poetry is included on the Poetry Loop of a local network of hiking trails)

Reply
Annecdotist
21/7/2018 04:14:53 pm

Thanks – love that one stone, multiple bird appellation. But sometimes the more constraints, the easier it gets – or does that only apply to supermarket shopping?
As for denial, you’re definitely on my wavelength I wrote about this in my previous post reviewing a novel about a man who’d denied his entire history to age 18
https://annegoodwin.weebly.com/annecdotal/a-lifetime-of-lies-testament-should-you-ask-me
It’s a great strategy, but unfortunately when you have published novels it’s in sharp contradiction to a little thing called promotion!
But your poems on a hiking trail – how marvellous! I’ve got to see a picture of that.

Reply
Charli Mills
21/7/2018 07:51:36 am

I often wonder where to put failure. I acknowledge it and sometimes mourn it deeply. But I don't often write about it unless I can balance it with a "lesson learned." Funny, because I've been thinking about this since ypu recently wrote about how we don't give space to failure. So, I'm still trying to sort out how to honor failure without giving energy to it. Mostly, I internalize the failure and externalize the success. It's worth pondering more.

As for success, it's great to receive recognition from peers. I think success is the result of a willingness to be vulnerable, to put yourself out there, to show up to a group and participate.

What a call for the hero's wife -- to have to confront her feelings over her father's failed heroic attempt. Great way to use Miss Hooe as a painful reminder of her loss.

Reply
Annecdotist
21/7/2018 04:23:52 pm

How to honour failure without giving energy to it? Tricky, because sometimes it eats energy, I find. But that would definitely qualify as an elixir. Yet lessons learnt can sometimes arrive months, years or decades after the event itself. Makes it difficult to write about when it takes some time to process. Also, while I think it’s important to be honest about the downs and ups of the writing life, it can be hard to write about failure without seeming moany.
As the for the attributions of failure to internal factors and success to internal, there’s a whole psychology literature on that!

Reply
Charli Mills
22/7/2018 04:38:59 pm

Thanks for acknowledging the trickiness of honoring failure without feeding its energy. I believe in process but as you pint out, lessons learned can take a long time, or even multiple failures. I pick and choose any failures to share (usually the ones I have processed and overcome), but not fresh ones that might yet have me bleeding, figuring out how to stop the wound.

Annecdotist
23/7/2018 04:01:22 pm

I think you’re right to pick and choose. Though we can offer each other encouragement online, it’s difficult to spot someone bleeding when you can’t literally bandage the wound.

Norah Colvin link
22/7/2018 11:28:31 am

Thanks for your post, Anne. I'm sorry you've had a few disappointments but trust that once you realign your thoughts to the new paths and opportunities you'll be off on your brisk walks again. My journey is beset with disappointments too. I would have said 'setbacks' but I think that implies some forward motion and I can't say there's been much of that. But, like you, I haven't changed my routine much but continue in the hope that "it’s (just) a matter of hanging on until our bad luck turns good". Looking for the positives is like searching for a needle in a haystack though. I live in hope! :)
Congratulations on your successes, small though they may seem. I read a thought recently that I think is appropriate here: "Life is so subtle sometimes that you barely notice yourself walking through the doors that you once prayed would open." But we do need to give ourselves time to grieve those things we lost. Be gentle on yourself.
Your flash is great, as usual. I love that you worked in both the lake and the woman, and the hero's journey. I wasn't sure at first if he had lived or died, but I hope that the lake water dripping on the shore as he grinned indicated life.
I enjoyed the snippet of your own heroic journey too, especially the photograph of the youthful hiker with the uncombed hair. Lovely!

Reply
Annecdotist
22/7/2018 12:38:39 pm

Thanks sharing that quote, Norah. It’s all too true! It’s the downside of our human tendency to keep reaching for a bit more.
I cheated a bit with the photos as I couldn’t be bothered to search for some from the time of love’s abandonment – perhaps there weren’t any from that time if I was hiding away! These were from a holiday in Slovenia which might have been the last we had together.
Yes, in my story the husband live but the father died. So if it was confusing – I realise it’s wasn’t clear that it starts after he’s done his heroics.

Reply
Norah Colvin link
23/7/2018 07:17:33 am

We are all human after all, so cheating is allowed. In this instance any way! :)

geoff le pard link
22/7/2018 10:03:52 pm

I know where Nottingham is! I know how important a city it is!! I can even swear to the stunning accomplishment of the nomination. But I get fully the difficulty of down playing it. Oh yes indeed.
Simply stated I've always been a carrot not a stick man so any sort of failure should be punishing. However on my world the carrot is about recognition not some level of pre-determined success. Failure and success aren't always binary and if the failure can be seen to include some recognition which I can use to fuel a modicum of self worth, then i move on and don't let it drag me down.
By the same token, I don't over invest in success, or the prospect thereof so I'm not peering at a debilitating failure. Is my reluctance, dressed up as wanting to keep control, to pursue a traditional publisher part of that unwillingness to over invest? I write because I really really want to and I love people reading my books and commenting. I benefit a lot from those comments that aren't just praise, nice though they are to receive and I tell myself and everyone else that I welcome and encourage criticism. But if I don't put myself completely 'out there', how true is that really?
Hmm, what a complex subject? Probably best just to keep doing what I do and enjoy it and not over analyse it. Thank you for getting me thinking.

Reply
Annecdotist
23/7/2018 04:13:25 pm

You do indeed not only know Nottingham but the Writers’ Studio too, and I’m still chuffed to think of you coming north for my first launch party.
Indeed, failure is part of the hero’s journey and can be a significant step towards success. But for me personally it’s important to acknowledge the sadness and disappointment, albeit temporary.
It’s a gift not to over invest in the success or failure – despite the recent blackwashing at Manchester University, I think there’s a lot of wisdom in Kipling’s If.
As for your own investment in publishing, you seem to have achieved an admirable position with a lot of support from your books and your blog. Who knows whether you’d get more if you went down the traditional route, but I think there’s a lot to be said for indie authors choosing to avoid the associated angst.

Reply
Colleen link
22/7/2018 11:21:52 pm

I am enthralled with your story and take on the prompt. The whole thing is pure magic! I would say you're back on the horse. Don't stop writing. It's all there, inside, waiting to burst out of you. <3

Reply
Annecdotist
23/7/2018 04:14:52 pm

Thanks for your kind words, Colleen. Glad you liked the story.

Reply
Robbie Cheadle link
13/8/2018 05:46:12 am

Disappointment in life is frequent and, I suppose, learning to cope with it is a part of life. It is like change, inevitable, regardless of how disagreeable it might be. It is right to grab the positives, Anne, and try to learn and grow from the disappointments. When I got my first "bad" review, I felt so overwhelmingly disappointed. It hits you in your stomach. I read the critique and I have tried to learn from it and grow as a writer. It is hard. I enjoyed your flash, it is very real.

Reply
Annecdotist
17/8/2018 02:18:47 pm

Thanks for reading and sharing your experience, Robbie. I think that sometimes because we know that disappointment is an inevitable part of the journey we might not give ourselves enough space to recover. As you say, like a punch to the stomach, it hurts!

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