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About the author and blogger ...

Anne Goodwin’s drive to understand what makes people tick led to a career in clinical psychology. That same curiosity now powers her fiction.
A prize-winning short-story writer, she has published three novels and a short story collection with small independent press, Inspired Quill. Her debut novel, Sugar and Snails, was shortlisted for the 2016 Polari First Book Prize.
Away from her desk, Anne guides book-loving walkers through the Derbyshire landscape that inspired Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre.
Subscribers to her newsletter can download a free e-book of award-winning short stories.

TELL ME MORE

Ever so ‘umble? What’s wrong with pride?

29/4/2016

12 Comments

 
I’m proud to be taking the reins this week at the Carrot Ranch, with a flash fiction prompt on showing someone around a property. My theme arose partly from the open weekend at North Lees Hall, which attracted over a thousand visitors across the two days. Although I got rather chilled standing in the doorway trying to steer a one-way system on the two sets of stairs, it was great fun. For those who couldn’t make it to Derbyshire, here’s a virtual tour of the house, both inside and out.

Did you notice the p-word in my opening sentence? Did it make you wince? If so, I hope I can persuade you that, not only is the adjective perfectly apt for the purpose, you should lay claim to it yourself.

I accept that language evolves faster than species, and words can change to mean their opposite in a generation or less. I’ve almost adapted to literally meaning figuratively and obviously meaning not obvious at all. But I can’t stomach people saying they’ve been humbled when they’ve been praised or received an award.

I have an idea where it might come from. We were taught that humility is a virtue and pride a sin. But with the ever-so-‘umble Uriah Heap one of the slipperiest Dickensian characters we’ve been warned of the unattractive face of exaggerated claims to humility. Why not learn from the Pride movements of marginalised identities, such as LGBT, to claim proud not as a vanity, but as triumph over prejudice and a joyful self-acceptance?

I’m proud to have published a novel that readers seem to enjoy, happy with what I’ve achieved while acknowledging a huge leap for Anne is a teeny tiny step for womankind. I’ve been moved and touched by the generosity of the reviews, but I most definitely haven’t been humbled (as in shamed or robbed of my pride). And if an author were to say they’d been humbled by one of my reviews, I’d be insulted, unless it were a really damning review, as it would mean the appreciation of someone like me equates with a drop in their status.

A writer, at whatever stage, will have enough genuinely humbling experiences to prevent our heads growing excessively large. Remember that descriptive paragraph you slaved over that your critique group considered riddled with cliché? Remember the story you poured your heart into that was dismissed as oversentimental? There’s the gruelling journey to publication and, once published, the discovery that, apart from perhaps at your launch party, readers aren’t queueing up to read your words. Then there’s the inability to find your name on the latest literary prize longlist, and the painful reviews. Even highly successful authors aren’t immune from the feeling of failure when their work doesn’t manage to shine.

So let’s not deny our achievements in a simpering false humility. If full-blown pride is too scary, how about the other h-word? I’d be honoured if you would share your reactions to my thoughts.
As this is likely to be my last post of the month, I’ll leave you with a reminder of the 13 novels I’ve reviewed in April. Click on the image to catch up with any you’ve missed.

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Thanks for reading. I'd love to know what you think. If you've enjoyed this post, you might like to sign up via the sidebar for regular email updates and/or my quarterly Newsletter.
12 Comments
Kate
1/5/2016 11:57:09 am

I guess it is again to do with definitions - what do we mean when we say 'I'm humbled'? Do we really mean we feel our social status has dropped - I doubt it. I would mean, I am surprised/please/over-awed by what has happened. Personally, I think shame often plays a bigger part in an individual's way of being than is usually acknowledged. Striving for an audience through publication can, I believe, activate a fair amount of latent shame - about who we are, about revealing parts of ourselves through writing. I'm not sure how many of us are really, truly comfortable in our skin. I also like something I heard from an eminent psychotherapist, that embarrassment is 'curdled delight'.

Reply
Annecdotist
1/5/2016 05:24:55 pm

Yes, I do reckon people who say they’re humbled think it means the opposite. It’s also a very good point you make about shame – a somewhat underacknowledged emotion in my opinion – and I think there’s a great fear of shaming when we expose ourselves in our writing – which is even more of a reason not to claim to be humbled!

Reply
Norah Colvin link
1/5/2016 01:08:33 pm

Hi Anne,
I think you've been eavesdropping on some of my conversations. It really annoys me when people say they have been humbled when receiving praise. They should be proud. They may feel awkward or embarrassed in accepting praise. Most of us haven't been taught to accept it very well. But I can't think of any reason why it should be humbling. I agree with you that honoured is a suitable word to use. It's the one that I use most often, I think, as I did when it was my turn at the Carrot Ranch.
I find the description, supplied by Kate, of embarrassment as 'curdled delight' intriguing. I would agree that the embarrassment at receiving praise might be so; but I can also think of many other situations in which embarrassment might be curdled horror!
As for writers being humbled by a review by you. They should be honoured that you would take the time to read and write about their work. I know I would be, as I am every time you mention me in a post, like you did at the Carrot Ranch. Thank you. :)
Thanks for this lovely thoughtful post that provided an opportunity for me to have a rant. Also an opportunity to be in admiration of your reading this month. You should be proud of your achievement! Well done!
Also kudos for your lovely slide show. I enjoyed looking through the stately home. It reminded me of many I saw during my visits to Northern Ireland and London.

Reply
Annecdotist
1/5/2016 05:29:26 pm

Thanks, Norah, I think I might have adopted word honoured from you. It’s a good way of acknowledging the value bestowed by the praiser, without getting overly puffed up about it.
I like Kate’s idea of curdled delight, although I agree there are perhaps far more occasions when that embarrassment edges towards shame and it’s more curdled horror.
And of course let’s not forget your wonderful SMAG when we send those compliments back and forth through cyberspace. Thanks as always for yours.

Reply
Norah Colvin link
2/5/2016 08:19:35 am

I am honoured to think that you might have adopted use of the word from me! Thank you. I am delighted, I don't think proud would be quite right, that others have picked up the term SMAG and chosen to use it to describe our wonderful supportive relationships. Thank you also for being part of that.

geoff link
2/5/2016 09:31:53 pm

Anne, this is a bugbear. Not so much humbled as the faux modesty. I remember pitching for some work as a lawyer and the putative client saying did I really want the work? I was surprised to say the least and said so. He said that I should say it in so many words. False modesty of achievements is really rather immature. Which was correct (he was American and I told him, if I won the job, I'd point out a couple of things to think about from my point of view - sadly I never got the chance).
And I also agree that the hijacking of words can be both fascinating and a trial. I'm not sure I have yet found acceptance over 'literally' yet, but I'm in therapy!
And well done on taking Charli's reins; big boots to fill and you did so v well.

Reply
Annecdotist
3/5/2016 04:35:47 pm

That's an interesting story, Geoff. Americans are much better than we seem to be at putting themselves forward – at least, that's the stereotype I've carried with me for a while, but don't see such strong distinctions across the blogosphere. But yeah, false modesty can be difficult, and especially embarrassing if you are chatting away to someone who seems genuinely ever so humble and then turns out to be a major prizewinner or whatever. Sorry you didn't get the contract though, might have been an interesting cultural exchange.

Reply
Charli Mills
4/5/2016 02:54:14 am

"Humble" is now a red-flag word for me. A publisher who scammed me, a dozen other contributors and untold investors, sponsors and subscribers signed all his correspondence, "Humbly, Darren." I'm proud to have turned him in the authorities, to have reported him to lawyers and pitched him as a deviant to write about to credible editors. During a rough spot with house uncertainties and hard work with no pay, I'm proud of the community at Carrot Ranch. I'm proud of the writers who care about one another more than appearing humble. I'm proud of your guest prompt and all your authorial accomplishments with your first novel. I'm proud to know you, Anne!

Reply
Norah Colvin link
4/5/2016 11:54:49 am

Oh Charli, that publisher is despicable! Good on you for reporting him.I am proud of you both, and happy to call you friends.

Reply
Annecdotist
6/5/2016 07:44:58 pm

What a complete misrepresentation of the word, Charli, and I’m also proud of you for tackling the blighter. And you are rightly proud of the community you’ve built up for writers at Carrot Ranch. And you’ve added an important point about pride I’d missed, in that we can be proud of each other’s achievements – summed up in Norah’s wonderful SMAG

Reply
Elliott link
4/5/2016 03:06:33 am

Pride or relief? I can only imagine the other side of publication. It seems... unattainable. Yet in my pursuit, the publication itself is not so much the goal as it would be to reveal the confusion that i have faced in my life. I hav been writing since 13, 14 maybe, 24 years, i feel like im 24 years away..... not so much pride but relief and yes honor or honour. Its like that place in the pictures, i love architecture, especially in England; i must go there; yet imagine the builders upon completion. Ive written. Ive constructed. I imagine they feel the same when finished. Flaunting should be the real sin we are taught.

Reply
Annecdotist
6/5/2016 07:47:52 pm

Oh, you’re absolutely right, Elliott, relief has been part of my experience anyway. Relief at being able to step off one treadmill and onto the next. Interesting point about architecture also, but the pride in that achievement can also go too far – I’m thinking here of William Golding’s novel The Spire which is about the building of a cathedral. Hope your own journey takes you where you want to be.

Reply



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