My real-world promotion of World Toilet Day yesterday was somewhat eclipsed by a surprise conversation about #MeToo. Surprise because, having personally experienced only “mild” forms of unwanted sexual attention, I hadn’t jumped on this particular bandwagon, the conversation left me feeling I should have. After all, one doesn’t have to have experienced direct gender discrimination to be a feminist. One shouldn’t have to have experienced the trauma of rape to oppose the culture of misogyny that so often enables it.
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As I’ve said before, I’m no hero when it comes to defending the issues that matter to me, and I might not have expounded on the subject if I were at risk of being re-traumatised or feared the men would not treat my opinions with respect. But it wasn’t a case of preaching to the converted. What I learnt from that conversation was that not all decent men are aware that unwanted, unwelcome and uncomfortable sexual attention is part of virtually every woman’s ordinary experience of being in the world. Nor, I deduce from a very limited sample of other-sex humans, do they know that our tolerance of the everyday harassment, rather than building resilience, can make us less able to recognise, and fight off, more extreme and dangerous assaults should they come our way.
I’d like more men to know that, and they might be more receptive to the message if they hear it from other men. But those other men might not be so amenable to passing on the message if they themselves become afraid of the finger pointing at them. While women may enjoy a moment of schadenfreude when a man feels the fear she’s known her entire life, paranoia does not make us receptive to new ideas. The news of the BBC ditching a well-loved presenter for an inappropriate ten-year-old text could make some feel that the standard has been pitched so high they might as well give up trying. An amnesty for past intrusive behaviours that were naive, thoughtless or crass rather than criminal, along with a clear message that some forms of “banter” will no longer be tolerated, might be more conducive to creating a new climate of mutual respect.
While too much confrontation can induce a defensive withdrawal or counter-attack, fiction can provide an extremely safe insight into another’s life experience. Perhaps what we really need is for men to read more novels about how misogyny makes the world unsafe for women. I’ve picked out three from this year’s reads – click on the image to go straight to the review – and you can find more through this link. My review of The Burning Girl shows that it’s not only decent men who underestimate how much fear dominates the lives of women. Let’s see what you think.
I’d like more men to know that, and they might be more receptive to the message if they hear it from other men. But those other men might not be so amenable to passing on the message if they themselves become afraid of the finger pointing at them. While women may enjoy a moment of schadenfreude when a man feels the fear she’s known her entire life, paranoia does not make us receptive to new ideas. The news of the BBC ditching a well-loved presenter for an inappropriate ten-year-old text could make some feel that the standard has been pitched so high they might as well give up trying. An amnesty for past intrusive behaviours that were naive, thoughtless or crass rather than criminal, along with a clear message that some forms of “banter” will no longer be tolerated, might be more conducive to creating a new climate of mutual respect.
While too much confrontation can induce a defensive withdrawal or counter-attack, fiction can provide an extremely safe insight into another’s life experience. Perhaps what we really need is for men to read more novels about how misogyny makes the world unsafe for women. I’ve picked out three from this year’s reads – click on the image to go straight to the review – and you can find more through this link. My review of The Burning Girl shows that it’s not only decent men who underestimate how much fear dominates the lives of women. Let’s see what you think.
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